Where art thou o’ mighty keyboard warrior?
Why have your strivings ceased?
You used to send your insults falling like arrows from the sky,
like rain on a spring morning dripping from thine keyboard,
causing pain and misery amongst thy foes.
Has the mighty keyboard warrior left us?
We searched for you on X, on Facebook, and even Telegram,
yet you have gone silent.
No longer do your words thunder from the mountain tops.
No longer are your enemies blocking you.
Are you resting o’ mighty keyboard warrior?
Have you run out of people to own?
Is your cup of vengeance empty?
Did your enemies finally bring you down?
What must we do to get you to rejoin the fight?
There you are o’ mighty keyboard warrior.
Wake, shake the rust from your keyboard.
Put on your armor of indifference.
Shame your conscience into submission,
for the twitterers await your return.
Facebook trembles as your fingers touch the keyboard.
Your enemies seek solace in their private pages.
Thine verbal joustings are second to none.
Slay us with your ruthless typing,
your words strike fear into the hearts of all who cross your page.
O’ mighty keyboard warrior, you quote scripture with a forked tongue,
Pulling verses out of context,
Justifying your hurtful sayings with psalms and proverbs,
that say exactly the opposite of your words.
Love they neighbor has become bash they neighbor.
O’ mighty keyboard warrior show us your insults,
which you wield like a sword from time past.
Share with us your expertise in all things.
Help us to learn absolutely nothing,
but the brilliance of your takedowns.
Thus saith the mighty men of the keyboard:
”I have fought the evil that is in the online world,
I have vanquished mine enemies,
but I must quit the field,
for my wife wants me to GET A JOB.”
Thus saith the mighty women of the keyboard:
”I have fought the evil that is in the online world,
I have insulted and belittled mine enemies,
but I must quit the field,
for my husband wants his dinner.”
